Letter to Projo feedback

Writing for Change
#1

Hello everyone I wrote a letter to The Providence Jorunal. I am hoping for any feedback or ideas in which I could add to this letter. Please and Thank You

November 15, 2014

To whom it may concern,

Why is our city folding right in front of us? Is it the communities? Is is the schooling? Is it the parenting? Yes yes and yes all of these things have a small piece of why Providence isn’t Providence anymore. So what do we do? We cannot sit around and let this mishap continue.  As a teacher’s aide for the Providence school dept. I see our children year after year sink deeper and deeper into the streets of Providence. This needs to stop, we as a city, as a state should want our capital city to be better, to get better. We have to get a hold of our kids. We have to let them know there is more to life then gang banging, dropping out, and sex. Let’s give them an opportunity that other cities in RI have. Show them that college is an option, not just a dream. Show them that they are important and loved.

Create programs that are meaningful to them, with people who can relate to them. Create programs that are affordable, and creative. Inner city kids are contained to sports; everywhere you look there is a basketball court or football, baseball field. What about the kids that is into music, art, writing, designing, singing, dancing, and computers. If our kids are not into sports around here they are pretty much screwed.
I am writing this and hoping that someone around you feels the same way as me. Maybe we could brainstorm together to write the right person in hope that we get something positive out of this.

Sincerely,
Danyelle Delves

2 Likes
#2

First off I want to think you for writing this and sending it the Journal.
I agree with you on this matter and that this city need to have more investment into the youth and families of Providence. It will take the community, politics, school Dept, artist, musicians, writers and local company’s that are planning to invest into property hear. I believe this can happen, but we have to start and this is a great start. Providence has a lot of potential but not the funds to back them up. Once we get that Providence can be one of the top cities in America.

#3

I agree with @ajay that Providence has so much potential but is really lacking funds. Where can the money come from? This is something I think about a lot.

Otherwise @Danyelle_J_Delves, I see some typos and a couple grammar things that are easy to fix before you send it in, and I’d be happy to look over your letter if you want help with that. I think if you read it over a few more times anyway you’ll be able to make some good changes, anyway.

I like that you’re first speaking from your own experience and then demanding action. Do you know exactly who or where you’ll be sending this? Is it going to be a Letter-to-the-Editor thing that you want to get published in the paper? Or something else?

#4

Please and thank you Tyler I would greatly appreciate it.

#5

Sure thing @Danyelle_J_Delves. I’ll send you something in a private message